But that’s basically a summary of my life this week. I wake up, I go to work, I come home and be lazy as all hell til I go back to bed. It could result in epic monotony if I had to do it for many weeks consecutively but for now it’s bearably alright. Much better than crappy Safeway that’s fo’ sho.

On Friday, I am having my first nighttime outting in months for Vanessa’s birthday. I pray that the panic/depresso Gods don’t feel like cursing me with anxiousness and worry so that I bail but I feel that I should be fine considering I will have a motive to not bail (a.k.a the occasion being a birthday and not just a catch up) :/

because i think it’s slowly killing me.

and attracting tears and sadness like the most magnetic magnet magnetic people ever produced.

i can’t even look perfect with makeup. it ends up making me look super tacky or washing me out..

bawww. vanity. grow some fucking balls.

I can’t get motivated or passionate for anything at the moment considering all I can think is that it’s a waste of time because we’re all going to die in the end anyway. What’s the point in being successful? What’s the point in educating yourself? What’s the point in obeying the law? We’re  all going to die. And contributing to my mental fails, I literally find myself struggling to leave the house again due to the fact that I can’t deal with people and the often regular occurence of  feeling incomparable and disasterously different to anybody I observe when outside. Which, might I add, drastically changes the perception I have of my self and further instills a sense of worry when I have to leave the house. I’m honestly going to become the biggest hermit ever if I don’t watch out.

But I’m still too weak to do anything about it. There’s nothing in me that’s powerful enough to fix my ongoing list of inabilities and failures.

- Stupid screaming tweenagers with irresponsible parents who are obviously oblivious as to the whereabouts of their children. FOURTEEN YEARS OLDS DO, I REPEAT, DO NEED PARENTAL SUPERVISION.

- Desperate drunk failures who like to cause street violence and unnecessary noise late at night at locations where they are not welcome because they have that much spare time on their hands. Please return to your mother’s house and continue beating your babe of a girlfriend instead.

- Gangs. Especially the public glorifying of murderers like Carl Williams. Puh-lease.

- Modern society completely incapable of what I thought was considered common sense when it came to human decency and courtesy.

In conclusion, to avoid feeling so cynical toward humanity, I should avoid the news at all costs.  Fin.

I’m just ever so slightly afraid of tomorrow. For you see, I was unaware until late last night that tomorrow I have an appointment with a head doctor. And now that such an appointment has been made, I’m flipping out about it considering I’m far too scared to actually let anybody inside my head and what it really thinks about myself and life related things. I don’t want to be told that there’s something wrong with the way my brain functions but I also don’t want to be told that thinking this way is natural and I need to just accept it. I don’t want to have to talk because I feel that if I empty my stupid head of things I never say, I’ll breakdown in this mass of pathetic, snivelling tears. Lame to the maximum.

I want to be a baby so I don’t have to think about trivial things again.

If I were a boy, I’d stay single as long as possible.

If I were a promiscuous boy, I would bang as many women as I possibly could.

If I were a decent boy, I’d not waste my time on the female species.

And I conclude this simply because ever since we were emancipated from homely roles and male-dominance, the majority rules and presents themselves as none other than cum-guzzling whores who stomp all over innocent boys hearts because we don’t know how to really love anymore. It’s all about dominance, pleasure and being just as fucking good as males. But we’re not. Because we’re not as mentally capable, not as strong physically and we’re certainly not any good at getting along with one another like they do. And I’m done. SUE ME, FEMINISTS.

]]> http://ridikyulus.wordpress.com/2010/04/18/dddd/feed/ 1 ridikyulus SLUTS http://ridikyulus.wordpress.com/2010/04/14/the-night-santa-went-crazy/ http://ridikyulus.wordpress.com/2010/04/14/the-night-santa-went-crazy/#comments Wed, 14 Apr 2010 14:19:19 +0000 ridikyulus http://ridikyulus.wordpress.com/?p=206 ]]> Today began similar to any other day with the exception being my dad coming in to bid me farewell as he’s flipped off to Queensland until Saturday. Unable to re-sleep, I stumbled out of bed and into life. With my backpack upon fictional shoulders, and my alias of Zroya in tact, I began my battles in the land of Johto. Successfully acquiring two new gym badges with sturdy pokemon at my side, I saved my progress to bathe and fill my rumbling gut.

Mission accomplished, I settled down upon the couch to join Bill and Ted for an Excellent Adventure. Obviously by now it is pretty damn clear that today was an extremely lazy day full of fat person desires (a.k.a food, TV, video games and a couch). However, I fixed this slightly by clipping a chain to a golden haired pooch and taking her for a brisk stroll through the park for approximately 50 minutes. Note that at this stage, the time has reached 6.30pm. WHERE DID THE DAY GO??

Having missed 4 or so calls from Yen (and Matt), they organised to come around for a visit and that they did. Having massacred any facebook rep I may have had and enjoying the beauty that is the Chatroulette version of Lady Gaga, we decided to head to Kmart just because it’s open 24 hours and there is always items of interests to be seen and times of fondness to be had. As per the norm, Kmart was out of small sizes in my desired flannellette shirt colour and so I settled for the replacement cleanser I so badly needed Matt on the other hand found a perfect fit flannel shirt as well as tasty treats for the trip towards home. At this stage I texted Konan, who was home, so out of the kindness of their hearts, Yen and Matt drove to his house so I could see him. And this is where the party started.

Like a couple of retarded children, Matt and Yen discovered the pain that leathery straps of candy can cause. And running around wildly, I cuddled and talked to Konan and let them do their thang (which, for the record, involved them running about squealing and giggling and whipping each other with aforementioned leather candy straps). Believing them to be continuing with their mischief, it was strange to see them calm; with Yen on the hood of her car while Matt sat in the driver’s seat. But this calm did not last for long! Oh no! After a blink, I discovered that for some unknown twit reason they were rolling down the hill. Sadly, the car had other ideas, and veering left began to head straight for a parked van alongside the silence that is Poole Street. Bewildered as to what tomfoolery my friends could be up to with this new trick, we walked towards the car as it stopped only an inch from the van. Having heard them gasping and panicking, it became clear that this had all been an accident and Matt had only managed to hit the foot pedal just in time.

So out of fear, Yen raced to the boot of her car that her phone and the tasty treats were balanced on and she hurried me into the car for a quick getaway. Unluckily in the process, I spilt a bit of gatorade down my neck, but luckily we got away from the van unscathed. The only scars left behind in this disaster were those involving Matt’s heart palpitations and fear. A few hugs from Yen will probably fix this though.

And that my friends, brings us to the end of another day. Just an ordinary one, but a slightly interesting and enjoyable one nonetheless.

And as a final and politically incorrect last thought, I’m so very curious as to whether retards have to carry an identification card to prove themselves honestly retarded. Because what happens if a normal person acts retarded to get away with doing something? How do they prove that they’re not really retarded if they act it for a whole 6 months? Okay, I’m done.

I’m going downhill. 4 days in a row now tears have bled from my stupid sensitive eyes. I plan on seeing a psychologist someday soon because I don’t think I can bear to deal with this poor form self esteem anymore. I’m so tired of not being able to ignore snide remarks and comments. I just want to be able to look through them like the nothing that they are.  I’m tired of staying away from social situations simply because I fear people and how quickly they can shove me to the ground to rot in my flaws and failings. I’m tired of observing people and not understanding why I don’t get to be as magnificent or interesting. I’d kill to have the ability to just speak my mind without hesitation. Envy to the maximum.

how did i ever get to be like this…